Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
~ Oprah Winfrey ~

Be honest now, how many times have you said to yourself (or others) … there is never enough _________: fill in the blank with anything … time, money, certainty, sleep, food, safety, space, exercise, water, peace, love, etc.

I know I have fallen prey to the scarcity culture more times than I care to admit.  I own it.  I have the tendency to fear I won’t have enough to support my family; that I won’t be enough to pursue an opportunity passing in front of me; or I won’t have enough time/energy to be a good enough friend, mother, daughter or coach … well, you get the picture and I am sure you can relate.

To even start pulling myself out of the scarcity hole, I had to become aware of a couple of things …

First, I had to look beyond dualism (black and white thinking). There was a time when I thought the opposite of scarcity is having abundance.  Nope, that isn’t true.  The opposite of scarcity is having enough.  Or another word we can use is: sufficiency.

“Sufficiency isn’t two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn’t a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn’t an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.”
~ Brene Brown ~

Second, I had to realize that the antidote to feeling scarce or fearing not having enough was basically simple … practice gratitude.

Gratitude? 

For years, I have prided myself with having an “attitude of gratitude”.  When I consider the big picture, I know I am extremely grateful for so much; however, it became abundantly clear I didn’t PRACTICE gratitude.

Studies show those who practice gratitude have several things in common.  They keep gratitude journals; they do daily gratitude meditation/prayers; they create gratitude art; and what blew me away is they stop during moments of heavy stress and profess out loud “I am grateful for ….”

When I really practice gratitude in these ways, something miraculous happens.  I gain joy.

Again, dualism thinking entered in and affected my thought process about joy and happiness.  Joy and happiness are both beautiful to experience; however, they are vastly different.

Joy vs Happiness

Simply put, you can experience joy without being happy.

Wait, what?

It’s true, because happiness is tied to circumstance, whereas joy is tied to spirit and gratitude.

Neither is constant.  They ebb and flow just like most of our feeling emotions.  However, as happiness is connected to situations and events, joy seems to be directly attached to our hearts through gratitude, and in so doing, affects us in a very vulnerable way.

Since most of us don’t do “vulnerability” very well this is where the practice of wholehearted living enters.  Our tendency may be to attach fear to joy, leading to a lifetime of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Both happiness and joy are needed in our lives.  However, awareness of those things which bring us happiness, and in turn, how we can express joy through them is a critical life skill.

In other words, I want to experience the things which bring me happiness; however, I want to LIVE from a place of gratitude and joy.

It took me a long time to understand what joy truly was.  When I did, it was as if someone hit me over the head with a brick.  It was so simple, but until you understand it, and experience it for yourself, it’s simply out of reach.

Whenever I was asked the question “What brings you joy?” my pat answer would be “Seeing my child smile.” to which I normally added “And I love it when I am the one who made her smile”.

I believed joy came from making other people happy.  Fooled me.

That was external.  That was circumstantial.  That was happiness.

Now instead, I find I experience joy from a totally different place and it’s always attached to gratitude.

Joy is deep; it originates from within.  Joy is a state of being.

We can uncover inner joy by establishing a gratitude habit and developing awareness. These two techniques (of many) will be a part of my new upcoming program —encouraging wholehearted living. (Goal release date January 1, 2019.)

Until then, please see the following journal prompts to start establishing inner joy and to help let go of feeling fear and scarcity.  If you feel like sharing, you can do so in the comment section.

Journal Prompts:

• What do the words “joy”, “happiness”, and “gratitude” mean to you?
• Do you have a gratitude habit? If not, what can you do to establish one?

My thanks to Brené Brown for her extensive research on the topic of what it means to be wholehearted via her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  I am using her research as a guide to further my passion to help others discover their own authenticity and embrace their own third act of life.

Note: This is the fourth article of ten in describing Wholehearted Living.  You can find the first article “Cultivate Authenticity” here … the second “Cultivate Self-Compassion” here … the third “Cultivating a Resilient Spirit” here.