Cultivate Authenticity, Let Go of What People Think

We are constantly invited to be who we are. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Each day we wake, we are granted a gift which comes in the form of an invitation.

We are invited to either a day of routine, mundane and predictable events, or moments of spontaneity, unpredictability and surprise.

Those revelatory moments are a synchronistic opportunity to peel off the layers of expectations and predictions of others and discover who we really are deep down … our authentic selves.

What does it mean to be authentic?

The dictionary says:

adjective – not false or copied; genuine; real

When we are looking to cultivate authenticity, we are striving to be who we are at the core, not a copy of someone else.  It means walking into any situation and being true to our deepest selves, exposing our genuine values and beliefs.

Quite frankly, it means work.  And lots of it because it never ends … authenticity is a practice, not a destination.

And let’s face it, choosing to be authentic can be exhausting.  We live in a culture that dictates almost every aspect of our lives.  It includes things like what cars we should drive; how much stuff we should own; and how we need to look and act to be acceptable.

When faced with the choice of either being our authentic true selves or living up to what culture commands, we can easily fall into the trap of manipulating our own personality in order to seek acceptance.  We do this because we think it will be easier than standing on our sacred ground.  After all, who wants to be confrontational?  Who has time to explain our point of view?

When we trade our authenticity for safety, we can veer into very dangerous terrain … such as a dark life void of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect and self-regard.  Add to that, there are physical consequences of not being authentic:  stress, tension, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, headaches, backaches, jaw aches, adrenal fatigue, low immunity, etc.

Dang, I went dark there for a moment … only because I have been there (and I am thinking some of you have, too.)  What’s more, while I actively practice authenticity daily, it quickly takes a back seat if I am full of doubt or shame … it’s like poof!  I am now whoever you need me to be.  Ouch.

I have concluded there is a simple answer to cultivating authenticity … let go of what people think.

Simple?  Yes.  Easy to implement?  Not so much.

Yet, not impossible.  With consistent practice and baby steps, over time, authenticity will become your default way of being.

What does it take to be a more authentic person?

 As mentioned before, daily we are given many invitations and opportunities to be who we are.  Let’s consider three aspects of authenticity.  Nurturing the 3 C’s (Courage, Compassion and Connection) has helped me cultivate authenticity:

Courage to Be Keenly Self-Aware:  As we move away from being the person others want us to be, we must become uber aware of who we truly are … dive deep into observing one’s own self.   Learning to monitor feelings in various situations will help one discover what feels uncomfortable and why. This skill helps ensure our next actions come from a place of authenticity.

One method is asking yourself questions and will help hone your authentic self. These may include:  Am I honoring my own circumstance of who I am?  Am I making this decision out of fear or love?  What matters most to me?

Self-awareness is also about being in the present moment, with others and yourself.  It means becoming an active listener and giving people your full attention.  It means finding quiet time, getting still with yourself to discover the real you.  Mastering the art of presence may be the most effective way to guarantee authenticity in practically any situation.

Compassion to Accept Imperfection:  It’s impossible to be perfect, yet so many strive for it in almost every facet of life.  Since it’s impossible to achieve, merely trying is already a sign of being disingenuous.  Embrace imperfection!  Sure, when you do that, you are leaving yourself wide open to vulnerability; however, being vulnerable can be amazing (and scary at the same time). I know!

Connect to Genuine People:  There are people out there who seem to have a real handle on what it means to be authentic.  You know the ones … we feel comfortable, safe and respected when we are around them.  Seek them out with the intention to understand them.  Ask thoughtful questions and then sit back and listen.  Developing genuine relationships will help instill authenticity in us by mere modeling.

As my own transition into a wholehearted life moves forward, I have amassed numerous arrows in my quiver, at the ready moving me forward and helping me invite joy, gratitude, and grace into my life.

These tools are components in my new direction upcoming and exciting coaching program (goal date January 1, 2019).

To help you hone in on your own transition towards a wholehearted life, please feel free to use the following questions as journal prompts, and if you feel like sharing, you can do so in the comment section below.

Journal Prompts:

• What does the word “authentic” mean to you?
• Do you live an authentic life? What changes would you make to reflect your true self?
• In what ways could you cultivate self-awareness?

My thanks to Brené Brown for her extensive research on the topic of what it means to be wholehearted via her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  I am using her research as a guide to further my passion to help others discover their own authenticity and embrace their own third acts of life.