What is Wholehearted Living and Can I Have Some, Please?

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
~ Carl Jung ~

Investigating the etymology of the word wholehearted, reveals it had its start way before Brené Brown came onto the scene.  In case you don’t know Brené Brown, she practically owns the word on the internet.  😉

According to Merriam-Webster, the first known use of the word was in 1644 and was understood to mean completely and sincerely devoted, determined or enthusiastic.  The English Oxford Living Dictionary defines it as showing or characterized by complete sincerity and commitment.  

Those definitions work; however, I believe there’s deeper understanding tying in well with the opening quote.  For that, I defer to the wholehearted living master.

Enter Brené Brown

Through years of grounded theory research, Brené uncovered wholehearted living awareness and implementation.  It serves as a touchstone and foundation for my own life and in creating and directing my new coaching passion:

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (p. 10). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

That about sums it up, eh?  Well, not so fast … let’s break it down a bit:

• Engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness: what does that mean? It’s being so interested in what’s happening inside us we can’t help but discover what makes us tick.  Being so engrossed in our heart and soul we connect to our own truth of who we are.  When we throw worthiness into the mix; well, magic happens.  We can take our lives to a whole new level when we get to the point of knowing we are enough just as we are (not who others think we need to be).

• Cultivating the courage, compassion and connection: Ah yes, cultivating the 3 C’s!  Cultivate is a special action word, it denotes continuous action.  In this case, it leans toward training and refining.

• Courage: What is courage?  The root of the word courage is cor which is Latin for heart.  In its earliest form, the word courage meant to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.  When we cultivate courage, we speak honestly and openly about who we are, about what we feel, and about our good or bad experiences.

• Compassion: This is all about kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness … for others and ourselves.  Most tend to be great at delivering compassion to others yet are lacking when serving it up to themselves.  Cultivating compassion can be scary as it involves learning to relax and allowing ourselves to move gently toward what scares us.  When we can draw from the wholeness of our experience, then compassion becomes real; we get to recognize our shared humanity.

• Connection: As human beings, we are hardwired to connect with others.  It is why we are here, it gives us purpose and it supplies meaning to our lives.  Without connection, there is suffering.  Cultivating connection has broad implications for how we live our lives, including (yet not limited to) feeling safe, protection and survival.

As I move forward with creating and designing my own personal wholehearted life, I have come to realize I can be both an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler.  I can work at cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to help me become wholehearted. I can believe at times that I am enough, worthy of love and belonging; and yet can still find myself stumbling, falling, and needing to change course.

I can be happily following the map I drew myself, and BAM, frustration and self-doubt will take over with me wanting to throw my hands up and binge watch something on Netflix.

Wholehearted Living means I keep being willing to show up and be seen.  It means I continue to be brave, vulnerable, and daring.  It means, I keep swimming.

The Gifts of Imperfection

I first started my newsletter in December of 2010, it was right after I read Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection.  It was an eye-opening and revealing look into the world of perfectionism and how insidious that one trait was tangled up in my life.  It held me back in so many ways, including starting a newsletter.

For a while after I read that book, I lived my life imperfectly and was moving along quite nicely, embracing the fact I didn’t need perfection any longer.

Over time; however, perfectionism insidiously found its way back in and started leading me towards overwhelm.  I sought out the book trying to capture and harness that imperfection once again. It had worked so well for me in the past. It was then I realized I hadn’t cultivated (there’s that word again) the Ten Guideposts contained within as the way to achieve Wholehearted Living. They were not a part of my life anymore and the result was me being scattered, splattered, and jangled.

Starting with next week’s newsletter, I will be sharing with you the Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living; one each week for ten weeks.  My desire is to provide an overall understanding on what it means to live a wholehearted life.

At the end of each guidepost article and as an added benefit supporting your understanding, I will be gifting a journal prompt to help you embrace each one.

Get ready!  Here we go …

P.S. If you have thoughts or comments, please feel free to use the reply box below.